If you’re struggling with anxiety or depression, you’re in good company. Poets, presidents, and preachers have struggled with anxiety and depression. British author Robert Burton said, “If there be a hell upon earth, it is to be found in a melancholy man’s heart.”1 President Abraham Lincoln wrestled deeply with depression, saying at one point, “I am now the most miserable man living. If what I feel were equally distributed to the whole human family, there would not be one cheerful face on the earth. Whether I shall ever be better I can not tell; I awfully forebode I shall not. To remain as I am is impossible; I must die or be better, it appears to me.”2 St. John of the Cross, a priest, coined the phrase “dark night of the soul”3 so that he could describe the pain and darkness of this world that can overwhelmChristians. Charles Spurgeon, called “the prince of preachers,” struggled deeply with depression. “You may be surrounded with all the comforts of life,” he said, “And yet be in wretchedness more gloomy than death. If the spirits are depressed, you may have no outward cause whatsoever for sorrow, and yet if the mind is dejected, the brightest sunshine will not relieve your gloom.”4 Spurgeon may have been writing about us.
Our culture and our generation experience more comforts and conveniences than any previous culture or generation in history. Yet we still wrestle with anxiety and depression, a gloominess that even a sunny day can’t relieve. Maybe you wrestle with anxiety and depression, too. Gallup research has shown that our culture is at a 20-year low in terms of our mental health. Anxiety and depression skyrocketed in 2020, with the US Census Bureau reporting that 42% of Americans identified some experience of anxiety and depression by the end of the year. Therapists in the church I lead have told me that post-pandemic levels of anxiety and depression have elevated, sometimes exponentially. Your level of anxiety has most likely increased, and you are not the only one.
This book wants to address this issue. The title, My Anxious Thoughts, comes from a prayer that King David prayed. He tells God, “God, you know my anxious thoughts” (Ps. 139:23, NIV). God knew David's anxious thoughts, and God knows your anxious thoughts, too.
You are not the only one.
The Pinnacle of Victory
Anxiety and depression are not a new phenomenon. For thousands of years, people have struggled, from poets, to presidents, to preachers, to prophets. One of the great prophets of the Old Testament, Elijah, struggled deeply with anxiety and depression. At one critical moment in his life and ministry, Elijah believed he was one of the only ones left to stand up for the true God of Israel. Speaking for God, he spoke against the little “g” gods of the nations and the king of Israel, Ahab, who had allowed the worship of these little-g gods to spread throughout Israel.
People were worshiping a specific, prominent little-g god named Baal. Baal was called the “god of fertility,” and the people had been experiencing drought. Seeking relief from drought through rain, they were praying to this god of fertility. So, Elijah challenged the little-g gods to a contest to determine who is real, Baal, or Yahweh, the God of Israel. Elijah stood against 450 prophets of Baal, saying, “Let’s each set up an altar and pray to our God. The God who answers with fire, that's the real God.” The prophets of Baal went first. They danced around, calling out to their god, but the Scripture says that no one answered or paid attention—because Baal is not real. Then Elijah stepped forward and he prayed. Fire came down from heaven, followed by rain, relieving the drought, proving the power of the true God: “The LORD, he is God! The LORD, he is God!” (1 Kings 18:39) came the celebration. 450 prophets of Baal were executed. This moment was a pinnacle moment for Elijah.
The Valley of Depression
This story in 1 Kings 18 should have been a pinnacle moment for Elijah, but Ahab had a wife named Jezebel. Jezebel was furious, sending word to Elijah, “450 prophets of Baal were killed, and this is going to happen to you.” This message sends Elijah into anxiety and depression. What a raw and honest account of a great and godly man: the chapter about Elijah’s anxiety and depression in 1 Kings 19 immediately follows the chapter about the pinnacle of his life.
Ahab told Jezebel everything that Elijah had done and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword. So Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah, saying, “May the gods punish me and do so severely if I don’t make your life like the life of one of them by this time tomorrow!” Then Elijah became afraid and immediately ran for his life. When he came to Beer-sheba that belonged to Judah, he left his servant there, but he went on a day’s journey into the wilderness. He sat down under a broom tree and prayed that he might die. He said, “I have had enough! LORD, take my life, for I’m no better than my ancestors.” Then he lay down and slept under the broom tree (1 Kings 19:1-5).
After the pinnacle of Elijah's life and ministry, he tumbled into the valley of depression. From excitement and exaltation—“The LORD, he is God!”—to running for his life. One conversation with Jezebel sent him spiraling into anxiety and depression. Anxiety and depression can plague great and godly people, even in the midst of great times. He goes from massive celebration to running for his life because of one conversation. One conversation, one phone call, or one email can send you spiraling, too. I haven't dealt with anxiety and depression like Abraham Lincoln or Charles Spurgeon, but anxiety has stung me, cut me like a knife, robbing me of sleep. I have wrestled with panic attacks. I have laid on the floor in the middle of the day, praying and thinking, “There is no way that I'm going to be able to get up.”
Maybe you've had this experience: Leaving for work in the morning, you were filled with joy, but when you come home in the afternoon, your roommate or your spouse asks, "What's wrong?” You answer, “Nothing.” But they push back, “No, I know you. What’s wrong?” You start to think and trace back the day, realizing that one conversation, email, phone call, or situation crushed your spirits. When I was in the business world, sometimes one report would sink my day. Every day at 10:10 am, a report would come in. This report would show all of our organization’s sales through all of our different sales channels. We called the report, appropriately, “the channel sales report.” Every day, at 10:10 am, I would look at it. My body started to instinctively tell me to check my phone at 10:10 am. After leaving that position and moving to Southern California, it took me many months to stop checking my phone at 10:10 am.
Some days I would check the report, and celebrate. “Heck, yes!” I would see some random person walking down the hallway, and I would high-five them. I would text Kaye and say, “Let's go have dinner tonight.” When the results of the report thrilled me, a wise and godly leader told me, “Eric, be careful. However high that report will bring you is how low it will one day take you." That insight proved to be true. However high I would allow that report to bring me on great days is how low it would take me on bad days. And there were many challenging and bad days. So, when I read about Elijah going under a broom tree, I understand the pain of that moment.
A broom tree in ancient Israel was not an idyllic tree. Elijah is not in a hammock under a tropical palm tree with a mojito or soaking up a book with a cup of coffee under a mighty oak. He lays under a broom tree. A broom tree was surrounded by desert. A broom tree was surrounded by nothing. “Desert" and “nothing” describe Elijah’s feelings. He feels dry and surrounded by nothing. He has dismissed his servant because he doesn't think his life is worth living. He doesn't think he can go on any longer. A broom tree grows very low to the ground. Elijah has crawled low to the ground to get under a broom tree. Anxiety feels that way—low to the ground, hopeless, no way out. Elijah’s feelings are real. Maybe, though, you think, “Elijah’s feelings seem so illogical.” Exactly. Depression and anxiety are often illogical, but that doesn’t make them less real.
Complex People Have Complex Problems
In that moment of despair, God meets Elijah and offers hope through an angel. “Suddenly, an angel touched him. The angel told him, 'Get up and eat.’ Then he looked, and there at his head was a loaf of bread baked over hot stones, and a jug of water. So he ate and he drank and he laid down again.” (1 Kings 19:5b-6). The angel meets Elijah’s physical exhaustion and need. He feeds him, hydrates him, and lets him rest. “Then the angel of the LORD returned for a second time and touched him. He said, ‘Get up and eat, or the journey will be too much for you.’ So he got up, ate, and drank. Then on the strength from that food, he walked forty days and forty nights to Horeb, the mountain of God. He entered a cave there and spent the night” (1 Kings 19:7-9).
Notice what the angel does not say to Elijah. In the midst of Elijah’s anxiety and depression, the angel does not say, “Toughen up. Get up. Work through it.” The angel does not say, “Have a longer devotional. Pray harder.” Of course,we should trust God, spend time with Him, and pray so that we can grow in our holiness and our happiness. But the angel doesn’t recommend these things to Elijah. The angel knows that while anxiety is often spiritual, anxiety is not only spiritual. Anxiety and depression are also physical. They relate to our bodies. When God created us, He created our bodies, and He breathed life into our bodies. So human beings and human nature are both physical and spiritual. We have a soul and inner self, and we also have a body. We're different from the angels, who have only spirits but not bodies. We’re different from animals, who have only bodies but not souls. We are complex individuals, created in the image of God with a body and a soul. Humans are physical and spiritual beings.
We are complex beings, and our anxiety is complex, too. Anxiety and depression affect both body and soul. Medical research now tells us that our inner selves, our souls, affect our physical health. One study concluded that stress or anxiety induces 60–80% of physical ailments in America.5 In other words, our internal, emotional self affects us physically. The reverse is also true: your body also affects your soul. Sleeping or eating poorly will affect your soul. Your soul affects your body. Your body affects your soul. We are complex creatures all interwoven together by the hand of God. The book Spark by Dr. John Ratey shows how caring for yourself physically affects your health mentally.6 Ratey tells the story of a study of a school district known for fit and intelligent students. A physical education teacher noticed that many students in the district were struggling not just with their grades, but also with depression and anxiety. The PE teacher invited students to run before school. The students who participated in the running also improved their grades and mental health.
We are complex individuals. Our soul and our body each affect the other. Some of you already know this. You don’tneed to read a research study, because you saw Legally Blonde and heard the line, “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands…They just don’t.” This funny line captures the complexity of anxiety and depression. We're complex, so this issue is complex. Some only want to treat the body, and some only want to treat the soul. But God cares for Elijah in the complexity of who Elijah is, in both body and soul.
The Soft Whisper of God
After God cares for Elijah’s body through the angel, God also cares for Elijah’s soul. God plays the role of a therapist or counselor for Elijah. When I’ve sat with a therapist, typically the question is, “Eric, why are we here today?” God says almost exactly this to Elijah, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” (1 Kings 19:9). God approaches Elijah tenderly, saying, “Why are we here? Why are we having this conversation?” Elijah answers, “I have been very zealous for the LORD God of Armies, but the Israelites have abandoned your covenant, torn down your altars, and killed your prophets with the sword. I alone am left, and they are looking for me to take my life” (1 Kings 19:10).
After Elijah answers, God then does what no therapist can do. “Go out,” God says, “And stand on the mountain in the LORD’s presence.” God shows up with His own presence: “At that moment, the LORD passed by.” God’s presence surpasses the presence of any other person. Look at this description: “A great and mighty wind was tearing at the mountains and was shattering cliffs before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake there was a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire” (1 Kings 19:11-12). This is the presence of God. Now, as the creator of all, God is in the wind, the earthquake,and in the fire, because He's in charge of all of those things.
But at this moment, God doesn't speak through the wind, the earthquake, or the fire. Those things often indicate God's judgment. Instead, in this moment, God speaks in a very gentle whisper to Elijah: “And after the fire there was a voice, a soft whisper” (1 Kings 19:12). God can speak to us through moments of His power—earthquakes and fire and loud pronouncements. But when we are struggling with anxiety and depression, He is tender towards us. If you are struggling like Elijah is struggling here, God is tender and loving and caring towards you. He speaks to you in a whisper.
Hearing the still, small whisper of God, Elijah “wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave.” He gets up to meet with God, and God says to him, again, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” (1 Kings 19:13). Elijah meets God for his second session of divine therapy. He responds with exactly the same words as he had before, “‘I have been very zealous for the LORD God of Armies,’ he replied, ‘but the Israelites have abandoned your covenant, torn down your altars, and killed your prophets with the sword. I alone am left, and they’re looking for me to take my life’” (1 Kings 19:14). Elijah is still struggling, even after hearing the soft whisper of God. Even after encountering the presence of God.
God, of course, has the power to heal in an instant. He can instantly heal both physically and spiritually. God has the power to speak cancer out of someone's body, but He often does not. Instead, God will often use the cancer to draw the person closer to Himself. God has the power to speak anxiety and depression out of someone's life, but sometimes He does not. He didn’t do that for Elijah. He used the anxiety and depression to draw Elijah closer to Himself.
Maybe you encountered the presence of God, and He instantly freed you from anxiety and depression. More likely, though, God hasn’t done that for you, like He didn’t do that for Elijah. Likely, you will hear the still small voice of God, and you will still struggle. If you have heard the soft whisper of God many times but you still struggle, you might think that something is wrong with you. You might feel like Elijah—alone, like you’re the only one. Yet God is still speaking to you with tenderness and love. Many of us will wrestle with anxiety and depression for long seasons or even a lifetime, but God will use those things to bring us to Himself. He will again whisper his care to us in His still small voice.
Fight Your Thoughts With God's Truth
In the midst of Elijah’s loneliness, anxiety, and depression, God confronts Elijah’s thoughts with His truth. God sends Elijah back (1 Kings 19:15), revealing, “But I will leave seven thousand in Israel—every knee that has not bowed to Baal and every mouth that has not kissed him” (1 Kings 19:18). Elijah keeps insisting that he is the only one left, but God corrects him. “You are not the only one, Elijah,” God says. “You think you're the only one, but you're not the only one. You are not alone.” The Lord reminds Elijah that the Lord Himself is with him, showing up with His still small voice. Not only that, the Lord tells Elijah that seven thousand others have stood with Elijah rather than bowing before the false, little-g god, Baal. Seven thousand others have not kissed that little-g god, but only worship the Lord.
Elijah had bought into the lie that he was the only one. But he was not the only one. Elijah had spiraled down in his mind. Jezebel wanted to kill him. That was true. That was a real problem. But Elijah let the real problem of Jezebel spiral his mind into unreal problems. It was true that Jezebel wanted him dead. But it wasn't true that he was the only one. It wasn't true that everybody else wanted to kill him, too. He let his mind just work, work, and work, imagining problems that didn’t exist. Elijah became enslaved to his perceived problems. He was listening to himself over and over, ruminating, then imagining, then spiraling. At that point, God showed up with a still small voice and said, “Here are your thoughts, but here is My truth.” Elijah needed to fight those perceived problems in his thoughts with the truth of God’s Word.
We struggle like Elijah did. Our minds can spiral out of control. We can think thoughts in a cycle of anxiety and depression, starting with truth but ending up in lies. Our thoughts can overpower us. Maybe you, too, think you are the only one. But you’re not the only one. You’re not alone. Maybe you, too, have believed the lies of your own thoughts. You must fight your thoughts with God's truth. God is bigger than our real problems, so He’s surely bigger than all of our perceived problems. God's promises are bigger than all of them, bigger than our real struggles and bigger than our perceived struggles.
Now, fighting our thoughts with God’s truth is not easy. As he fought his anxiety and depression, Spurgeon said it was like a fight with the mist: “You might as well fight with the mist as with this shapeless undefinable, yet all-beclouding, hopelessness…yet troubled the man is even in the very depths of his spirit…” such depression and anxiety “needs a heavenly hand to push it back. But nothing short of this will chase away the nightmare of the soul.” Spurgeon is being honest: It's really hard to fight anxiety. The only weapon is God’s truth. You can’t fight anxiety and depression with your own thoughts. You need God’s truth.
You might have thoughts ruminating that are elevating your anxiety and depression. You might have thoughts starting to crush you. You must fight such thoughts and downward spirals with God’s truth. For example:
• True thought: “Things are changing so much in the job market.”
• Downward spiral: “Things are so challenging in this season. I'm not going to be able to make ends meet.”
• God’s truth: “God will supply all of my needs according to his riches and glory” (Phil. 4:19).
• True thought: “I’m in pain.”
• Downward spiral: “This pain is not going away. I'm going to live with this pain for the rest of my life.”
• Truth: “‘The sufferings of this present time or not worth comparing with the glory that is going to be revealed in us’ (Rom. 8:18). This pain will not last forever.”
• True thought: “So-and-so is frustrated with me or doesn’t like me.”
• Downward spiral: “Other people feel the same way. Everyone is out to get me. Everyone is trying to destroy me.”
• God’s truth: “God is for you, and He will never leave you or forsake you. And if God is for you, then who can be against you?” (Rom. 8:31, Heb. 13:5).
• True thought: “I made a big mistake.”
• Downward spiral: “I’ve ruined my life and made a mess with my choices. No one could ever love me now.”
• God’s truth: “I'm convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth nor anything else, and all of creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus, our Lord” (Rom. 8:38-39).
When you tumble from the pinnacle of victory into the valley of depression, you need to care for yourself physically. God made you as a complex person with a body and a soul. When you tumble from the pinnacle of victory into the valley of depression, you need to care for yourself spiritually. You must fight your thoughts with His truth.
The promises of God are bigger than both your real problems and your perceived problems. As you wrestle with the thoughts that spiral downward, fight your thoughts with God’s truth.
Jesus does not leave you alone. Jesus stepped into this world so you will know that you are not alone. He placed Himself on the cross in your place for your sin. So you do not have to wrestle with anxiety and depression alone. You are not the only one, and you are not alone. His promise to love you, to never forsake you, to be with you forever is bigger and more tangible than your problems.
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This post is chapter one of My Anxious Thoughts: And What the Bible Says About Them, a 5-week Bible study from Eric Geiger, Christine Caine, and Kenton Beshore. We invite you to download a free sample of the study for access to the group discussion guide that accompanies this chapter.
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1. Robert Burton. The Anatomy of Melancholy... (Empire State Book Company, 1924), 284.
2. Abraham Lincoln, Letter to John Stewart (January 23, 1841).
3. St. John of the Cross, The Dark Night of the Soul by St. John of the Cross. Translated by David Lewis (London: Thomas Baker, 1908).
4. C. H. Spurgeon, Sermon No. 3269 (Thursday, September 28, 1911).
5. Aditi Nerurkar, Asaf Bitton, Roger B Davis, Russell S Phillips, Gloria Yeh, “When Physicians Counsel About Stress: Results of a National Study,” JAMA Intern Med. 173, no. 1 (2013): 76-77. doi:10.1001/2013.jamainternmed.480.
6. John J. Ratey, M.D. and Eric Hagerman, Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain (New York: Little, Brown Spark, 2008).