Some marriages have big issues because they stopped doing the little things that make a difference. That’s why this 14-Day “Just Because” Challenge can have a great impact. It’s a simple exercise that has the potential to improve your marriage in big ways.
The challenge is to do something for your spouse every day for 14 days. Just because. No other reason than you want A BETTER US. No matter what condition your marriage is in, this challenge can help move it toward health.
Obviously, some marriages with deeper issues won’t be solved by merely thinking more sincerely about your spouse. This challenge is not intended to be a Band-Aid for a marriage that is in need of surgery. But it can jumpstart a new way of thinking about your spouse. If your marriage spark has gone out, it’s probably because you two allowed it to go out. With this challenge, you can rekindle and start fresh just because you love your spouse or want to love them again.
Accepting this “just because” challenge will require two things from you:
Desire: If you desire A BETTER US in your marriage, your marriage will improve. Without desire, even good marriages can begin to drift. Even great marriages can need to be refreshed and motivated from time to time. You’re not accepting this challenge to win a competition or get a recognition trophy, you’re doing it because you want to. You’re doing it for A BETTER US.
Do Something: Desire is a good thing, but desire needs to motivate and translate into real action. So do something with the intent to delight—just because. There are no rules for what “Do Something” means; it’s just desire put into action.
With the intent to delight your spouse, you’d do best to follow a few rules:
- Don’t use this challenge to send passive aggressive messages (“I got you this treadmill… just because.”)
- Don’t make this about what delights you. Keep the focus on your spouse.
- If you’re struggling for what to do, rely on simple gifts or written words.
Now if you’re dreading this challenge, it probably means it’s the perfect time to take it up. That dread could be a warning light for a course correction.
So what happens at the end of 14 days? Challenge completed and your marriage is strong and healthy? Nope. The challenge is just the beginning. Through the next 14 days, your desire muscle will get stronger, and your do-something muscle will be awakened. Giving, serving, and thinking of your spouse more deeply will transform your heart. Why not keep it up? It might not happen every day, but if you want A BETTER US, look to turning “delight” into a daily habit. Delight, surprise, and “I was just thinking about you” don’t need to be reserved for a few times a year when you go big (i.e. birthday, Valentine’s, anniversary). They’re about looking for opportunities to delight throughout the year. Just because!
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This article is adapted from the A Better Us study from Doug and Cathy Fields. Click here for a free download of the full first week of the study.